TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize