I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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