remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
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