too bad you live with your parents still
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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