fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
