for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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