He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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