I didn't shave. On purpose
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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