I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
