I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
