apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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