That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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