yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
