She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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