he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize