so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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