I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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