i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
