I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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