I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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