By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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