When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
