Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize