he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
