dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize