do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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