i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
