he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
