ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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