We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
