I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
