you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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