Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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