I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
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