just tell him i said nine months
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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