Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
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