I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
did you just send me my own nude
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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