Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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