I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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