i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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