Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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