i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
We had sex on a dog bed..
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
