I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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