anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
