i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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