he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
