Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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