Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
The power of my boobs compel you
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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