How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
