guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
