I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
