I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
