I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
