Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
