we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
