do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
