I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
