Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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