some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
