before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize