u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize