Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
