it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
