so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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