Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
