Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
