Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
