I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
