I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
she told me i tasted like america
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
