My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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