I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
