YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Randomize
