talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize