You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
40s are totally the cure
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
