When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
