I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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