Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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