I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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