my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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