youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
