One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
