yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
