you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
