I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You're like the curious george of whores
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
