Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
