Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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