I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
