When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You were trust falling into bushes
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
