you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
