i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
