We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
