dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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